A long time ago, I was fortunate enough to be one of the few people on this planet to experience a near-death encounter. My NDE came from one of the most difficult life lessons my soul could have chosen. My heart was shattered into a million pieces, and I was on the verge of giving up completely. One night, as I tried to release the pain and trauma of a failed marriage through tears and screams, I found myself dying. I thought I had fallen asleep and was merely dreaming, but after spending three days in the hospital and being diagnosed with broken heart syndrome, it became clear that I had truly been on the edge of leaving this life.
I’ll do my best to describe what I saw and experienced, though I know my earthly words can’t fully capture the essence of the other side. The love our Creator has for us is beyond anything we have words for. To clarify, when I speak of God, I’m referring to the traditional Christian God, as that’s how He appeared to me. However, God is all things, all beings, and all ideas—even little green men in spacesuits if that’s how you connect to the Source. He doesn’t mind how you perceive Him; He knew you long before you arrived here and understands your thoughts, beliefs, dreams, joys, sorrows, and especially your traumas and life lessons. Everything about you—the good and the not-so-good—is part of the journey that you and He planned together before you came to this "earth school." Some refer to it as your soul’s journey or divine destiny, and it truly is sacred. Every moment is uniquely designed for you. You have chosen every person, place, and experience along this path. Every lesson, every heartache, and every triumph—all of it is yours.
The day I decided to face the darkness that marked the end of my marriage, I settled into a comfortable spot on the floor of my bedroom. I had everything ready—a soft bear rug, pillows, blankets, candles, incense, and my journal—all the tools for deep soul-healing. I remember listening to soulful music, soaking in a hot bath, and preparing to cry until the pain no longer overwhelmed me. My last conscious memory of that night was sitting on the rug, forcing the memories I had buried deep within to surface as I began journaling. The tears flowed naturally. What happened next is something I hope to honor, even with my imperfect human words.
At some point during my crying, I must have exhausted myself and fallen into a deep sleep—at least, that’s what I thought was happening. But what I remember is seeing my ex-husband in a dark, swirling tunnel. I was telling him how sorry I was that I had to let him go, and that in this lifetime, we couldn't be together because we both had more "work to do." At the time, I believed he was what some would call my twin flame. In hypnotic visions, I’ve seen other lifetimes we shared together—there were multiple.
I intuitively knew he was here once again to teach me the lessons my soul needed to evolve, and I suppose I was that for him as well. But here we were, back in "earth school," and despite our deep soul connection, this wasn’t the lifetime where we were meant to stay together. I had agreed with Source that he would be part of my story (once again), but not the one who would stay until the end.
That night’s crying session was the most intense emotional experience I’d ever had. It was probably during this period that I triggered the broken heart syndrome, although I didn’t recognize it at the time. Later, medical professionals explained that my heart had slowed to a dangerously low rate, nearly reaching the point of death.
As I said my final goodbye to him, he faded away, and I was enveloped in darkness. The next thing I experienced was what I can only describe as a form of hell—everything was black and red, filled with a profound sense of fear magnified a thousandfold. I saw a mix of familiar and unfamiliar faces and experiences. Even though I didn't realize I was dying, I thought to myself, "No way, if this is hell, I don’t belong here! I’ve made mistakes, but I don’t deserve this. I deserve to be in heaven with my family in love and light!"
Then a voice told me, “You don’t have to stay; you have free will. You can choose to leave.” My immediate response was, “How? And quickly!” The voice replied, “Just choose not to remain in hell, and you can leave.” I was surprised at how simple it sounded, but I believed I could leave, and suddenly, I woke up from that part of the dream. I found myself still on the floor of my bedroom, with candles burning, my journal open, and tissues soaked with tears scattered around. I was back on earth, safe from the horrors I had imagined. I decided it must have been a terrible dream and moved to my bed to settle in for the night. But, as it turns out, God wasn’t finished with me yet.
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As I settled into bed with my dogs and drifted back to sleep, I found myself dreaming again, but this time I was engulfed in darkness. I lost track of time, but soon I was experiencing a non-linear view of my entire life. It was like watching a movie where every person, place, and event was presented all at once, without any sense of time. I could see and understand everything simultaneously, but it was overwhelming.
I remember thinking, “Forget this place. If this is where I chose to be for a life experience, my next choice is a definite no.” I had no desire to come back to this life. It wasn’t that my life was particularly hard or frightening; it was more like an emotional rollercoaster—intense, exhilarating, and relentless. It felt like we’re all on this wild ride right now. The thought of coming back was something I wanted to avoid.
But then, in an instant, I experienced the next phase of my journey. The sensation of being one with everything was beyond any description. There are no words in any language that can truly capture what it felt like to be connected as “one.”
When I refer to "the one," it's the best way I can describe a profound realization. After I told God I wasn’t interested in coming back, I was shown how everything and everyone is interconnected. Every action and experience affect all things, both living and non-living. The rocks, trees, people in Australia, and even the guy next door—everything is linked in this unified flow. It was awe-inspiring to witness this interconnectedness, and I heard God ask, “Do you understand now?” I responded with, “Oh wow, yes! When can I go back?” But then I wondered, did that mean I was dying? As I saw the opening to heaven, I realized that if given the choice to continue my current life or not, I would choose heaven without hesitation.
The love I experienced from heaven was beyond any words I could use to describe it—Divine love is simply too vast and awe-inspiring to capture in human language. The doorway to heaven wasn’t a dramatic Hollywood-style spectacle; instead, it was a gentle parting of clouds with a radiant, pure light emanating from it, embodying the most profound and incomprehensible energy of love.
In that moment of divine love, I declared, “Oh yes, I’m going there!” But then two angels appeared beside me and gently reminded me, “You can go there if you wish, but remember, you have Christien and Colten on earth who need you.” I had momentarily forgotten about my life on earth, but as soon as the angels mentioned my children by name, I was instantly back in my body. I sat up, dialed 911, dressed hastily, and walked to the waiting ambulance outside. I was taken to the hospital, where I spent the next three days sleeping, interspersed with waves of sadness and tears.
During my three days in the hospital, it felt like angels were accompanying me. Every nurse who came into my room brought crystals—not to give to me, but to show that I wasn’t alone in my beliefs about energy work, breathwork, hypnosis, sound healing, reiki, and crystals. They all seemed to validate my experiences without me even asking.
One nurse, who was the last I remember, noticed my tears between sleep and wakefulness and asked why I was crying so much. I shared my entire experience with her, including the end of my marriage. She then pulled out a collection of crystals from her pocket and revealed that she, too, was an energy healer. It felt like a divine confirmation that I was on the right path and that I needed to continue my work. It was a profound sign of support and guidance, and I truly believe I had guardians watching over me during that time.
This experience occurred many years ago. Going through that divorce was one of the toughest challenges I've faced in my life. I deeply loved that person and, truthfully, I will always hold love for them. I believe strongly that we will meet again in another lifetime, as there's still more for us to learn and do together (though only God knows the full extent).
What I can say with certainty is that our lives and experiences here are not random. Everything that happens is part of a greater plan, journey, or destiny—whatever term resonates with you. Nothing is accidental; it’s all orchestrated by you and God before you arrived on this earth. The experiences you go through are not happening to you, but for you.
When I share the idea that "we chose this," some people react with shock, especially when it comes to profound suffering such as abuse, loss, illness, or accidents. I understand how distressing this notion can be, but I always return to the concept of “the one.” We create the lives we live, including the suffering and the joy.
Every experience has its counterbalance—where there's darkness, there’s light of equal magnitude; where there's down, there's up; where there's negativity, there’s positivity. God encompasses all of it and loves all of it. Every moment of our lives is guided by divine hand, filled with His blessing and light.
For instance, the world is marked by Pink October because of the efforts of a single woman, and there was a Black president in the White House because of Martin Luther King Jr.'s influence. Conversely, we also have examples of profound darkness in human behavior, like Ted Bundy, illustrating the complexity of our choices and experiences. God knew us all before we arrived and loves us equally, regardless of our paths or the challenges we face.
Regarding hell, it's a place we create ourselves and have the free will to avoid. On earth, we can manifest and shape our life experiences, whether they are positive or challenging. We choose difficult lessons that help our souls grow.
In contrast, in heaven, there's no struggle; souls simply exist in eternal bliss without the need for evolution. Souls choose to come to earth to experience the greatest, most exhilarating roller coaster imaginable. It's designed for testing, growth, and progression, much like selecting college courses. Earth is our school, where joy, sorrow, triumphs, trials, and tribulations are the subjects we study. Remember, during tests, the teacher is silent—not absent. God walks beside us, providing all the tools we need each day. As long as we walk in faith, God will reveal the purpose behind our choices and experiences, leading to goodness and abundance. All we need to do is embrace that faith.
I don’t share this story to imply that I have all the answers—quite the opposite, actually. What I offer is my personal experience with near death and the lessons I’ve learned from it. One of the most challenging periods of my life was losing my husband to addiction and the subsequent end of my marriage. It was one of the most emotionally intense trials I’ve faced. In retrospect, the end of my marriage was not the cause of my struggles but rather the culmination of everything that came before it. He was a messenger, a teacher in my journey. I’m grateful for the chance to have met him again in this lifetime and for the role we played in each other’s lives. Although it took years to recover, I would not change a single moment of what that experience taught me. It significantly contributed to my growth as a healer. Now, I help others navigate through marriages, divorce, loss, and grief, guiding them to confront their own challenges and find their path. I feel honored to be a part of this work. I know that there are more lessons ahead and more work for me to do, which can be daunting. Yet, I understand it’s all part of my soul’s journey, and I embrace it all—the highs, the lows, and everything in between. I feel fortunate to have had these experiences, and without the end of my marriage, I might never have reached this place. By the Grace of God, here we are.
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