Beyond Tradition: A Non-Traditional Approach to Healing for First Responders

I have skin in this game. I married a firefighter. Being an addiction and trauma specialist, it's not a stretch to say my love had both. Our marriage ended. Words don't exist for that kind of sorrow; I couldn't help him. I couldn't "reach" him. That makes me a (former) fire wife. I have lived experience with what you are going through, from the other side.

My sons are in college for fire science right now, in this moment (it's Christmas Eve 2023; maybe by the time you read this, they are FF's). My Holistic Health Director is a former Memphis FF. One of the investors in my company is a FF. My point? I have skin in the game, and it scares the hell out of me that the rate of first responders committing suicide is so high.

While talking to my 17-year-old sons last night about how they will handle this part of the job, even though they have support and they know better than to let trauma go untreated, they maintain that "men don't cry." "Not us, Mom, just in general." My confidence in their choices as future {traumatized} firefighters wanes. The brain does a lot of not good things under duress. Proper choices can't be made; the brain shuts down in fight, flight, or freeze.

Trauma, it happens so slowly that the traumatized victim isn't even aware. Sometimes we find out too late how far "gone" we've "gone". But the people around you know. The people that love you know. Feeling like your losing your sh*t on the daily is par for the course. FYI, you're not losing anything, you have complex trauma. A pill {western medicine's idea of band-aiding the situation} won't cure complex trauma, a good clinical therapist with a solid proven program will. (sidebar Jim, I'm not that kind of Dr. This is not medical advice)

Part of my commitment to the FR population is that I am always available. I built this app with YOU in mind. If you never want to tell anyone what's happening, I'm on board with that. Let's do that. But if you are brave enough to make that call and maybe even come to see us, I promise we will give you 100% of every trick in the book I know to help you get well and manage what you feel about the world—sh*t people, crap circumstances, life, death, all of it.

If you haven't figured it out by now, my approach is non-traditional. That makes sense because your jobs require non-traditional ideas and models for healing. Your jobs are non-traditional, and that makes your COMPLEX trauma, well, complex. I am a clinical hypnotherapist. I specialize in complex trauma and addiction. I know your culture. I know your stories. I know what you see every day. I (we) know how to help. If you want tradition that's available on every corner, even through your EAP. Me or them, the key is to call us. We're a phone call away (833) 336-7543. Whenever you're ready. Nobody ever has to know. We're here to help. The BHealthy app is a self-guided behavioral health app. Look around, see if any of what you can find, sans a therapist, helps. Honestly though, complex PTSD requires professional help—there is no way around it; it takes a team to get through and unwire this mess from your brain. But, I get it, call when you're ready.

On Trauma... Here's the skinny.

An event happens that feels bad, lucky you, you're alive and now you have your first traumatic experience (probably something in childhood). Then another traumatic event happens, and another and another, ad nauseam. Trauma is as guaranteed as death and taxes. ALL humans have trauma to some degree. Firefighters have severe trauma due to the number of times it happens, ie. the number of times you experience second hand trauma because you see it so much.

During a traumatic event, your body and brain do this cool thing with cortisol and adrenaline that forces you to go into survival ie. fight, flight, freeze or fawn. Stay and fight the bear or run? You are going to be the guy or woman that has to stay. That's the job you signed up for. So, you're experiencing trauma (again) your brain switches into survival mode (again), and sometimes it switches so much that you can't even recall accurately what happened (again), or anything at all (again).

But it did happen, and your body stored it as a trauma. Imagine multiple times in your week (firefighters, combat veterans, police, ER staff, etc.) your body going into survival. That's not natural and eventually you reach capacity. Your brain and body says no more, we're done now... but you're not done because monday is coming and its time to go to work. Hopefully by now you see where this is headed...

So what's the answer? If you are a new FR, you have to start early and keep a trauma therapist on speed dial. Honestly, I'm not sure how anyone does life without having a therapist. All people should see therapists like they see doctors and dentists because nobody is getting out of here without having some things happen to them. That's life! (in my best Frank voice). If you've been in the business awhile, it's time to do some heavy lifting in the subconscious and yes that has to happen with a therapist. THEN, keep your therapist on speed dial for the duration of your FR career.

That's the math, that's the science, that's the job. Maybe I'm the first to tell you that your job, for your entire FR career, requires talking through the hard stuff. Im sorry it took so long. Maybe you've heard it a million times, so what are you waiting for? Don't do anything about what you experience in secondary trauma and you're brain will force you into some very dark places. Avoid that, for the love of all that is dear to you, avoid the dark places. The brain does what it does without your permission and this is your heads up superhero. You're human on this front, just like the rest of us. We need you, please take care of you.

A note on EAP...

We take your benefits and your insurance. That's a phone call to your HR to let them know you wish to use your EAP benefits through ANY program outside of your EAP. Those "free" sessions you get can go through any company, that's an insurance thing, not a company thing. Call it marriage counseling or counting blades of grass for wellness—who cares. They don't have to know; it's not their business what you're doing in therapy. They would probably jump for joy that you're doing it at all!!

A Note on Suicidal Ideation (yep, we're going there!)...

IF you are feeling suicidal right now in this moment, call 988 (you know the drill). If you tell me you have a plan, I (or anyone) has to report; we can't get past being mandated. But if you tell me you have ideation, that's okay, and that's between us. We just double down on our efforts, and I see you more often until we calm down the storm, and trust me, when you see the wellness center, it's insta-calm from the moment you cross my threshold (it's grandma's house, seriously).

The speed in which you get through therapy is completely dependent on how bad you want to get better and your willingness to "do the work" OUTSIDE of session. It takes more than the time in my office a couple times a week to get you well. If I ask you to watch a video or read a book or count blades of grass for wellness, that's the job. We'll work together to figure out what works best for you though, so it will be enjoyable, I promise. The average time people spend with me is between 6 months to a year. Then it's just check in's quarterly, maybe twice a year (depending how well your doing self care), maybe annually, maybe you spot call me. In your work it's important we circle back. You're going to experience new trauma. We cleaned you up let's not get complex PTSD twice huh?

A Note on Prevention...

THAT'S WHAT'S MISSING!!! PREVENTION is the gap in all of this (my PhD brain is trained to find gaps in services). What if I told you when you first started that I could have taught you about the science of emotional well-being waaaaaaay at the beginning of your career and helped you to prevent complex PTSD? The good news is, I can still help the new folks AND it's not too late for you. Part of treatment MUST include education on the brain, how it rewires when trauma happens, treating a traumatized brain and body (rewiring the brain- yea, that's how this works), preventing new trauma, dot, dot, dot, blah, blah, blah.

Treatment is a marathon, not a sprint, and believe it or not, therapy can be pretty cool (even fun!) when you start moving into the education part of why this happened and what makes you YOU. I base everything I do on the science of anything (especially complex trauma; I had it when my husband and I divorced. I know it intimately). I could go on and on... but here is where I let you digest what i've written and look around. Hopefully I "reached" you and we can get to work sooner than later. I hope this very long-winded blog post helps you lean in. We hope you get what you need to be well..

P.S. Nurses, doctors, firefighters, police, EMT's, clinicians with secondary trauma, this all applies to you too. Air~Hugs. 

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